Ready or Not

Okay. This is 2 AM in morning and I still can’t close my eyes even for a while. Something stuck on my head and I don’t know how to deal with it. And there are so many W+H question without any conclusion.

Am I ready? 

If I say no, then I’ll be hit by question: “Why did you say to us that wedding ceremony will be occurred in couple of months?” In fact when I said “Yes” to him, I just followed my heart, what I felt without ask any permission first to my brain. Love, has change everything, from ‘nothing’ to be ‘something’. From ‘person that I met at hospital three months ago‘ to be ‘person who I adore and will be my life-partner as my husband‘.

Talk about marriage. Maybe you can say I am too young to be someone’s wife, or I have to continue my study on master program, finish my work and thesis, hangout sometimes with friends, and bla-bla-bla.. I won’t say that’s wrong. Not at all. But I also have my opinion: “I want to spend much times with him, do something fun together, collecting our memories when we’re 20s till our grandchild call me ‘grandma’. For me, I love to spend my whole life with person who give me all his heart, and won’t mind what people said about us. Moreover, I’m looking for person who will fight together with me, not a person who come when finally I’m on top.

On the other side, I must deal with problem like this ; How if I can’t give attention, or you can say it ‘careless’,  or be on his side whenever he need? Because our relationship is not like other people has. We’re separated by continent and difference of time-zone. I’m afraid we can’t handle it well when we walked on the different path without any cross-point on there.

ただの心配かも

If I were Taylor Swift, it would be like: “…you are the best thing that ever be mine..“. To be true, I’m not sure if I could fall in love with other guys, because he has the kindest and warmest heart, also has all things that I need. Maybe sounds so cliche, but the most important thing is: I can be myself, without conceal anything.

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